Many au pairs will undoubtedly encounter some degree of culture shock during their year in the U.S. Culture shock typically comes and goes in waves, and some people do not notice it at all, while others are affected more significantly.
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September 7, 2025 · 5 min read
Culture shock
Culture shock can occur at different times of the au pair’s year, but most people follow the same version of the following adjustment cycle:
Honeymoon Stage: everything seems exciting and new.
Culture Fatigue: an au pair starts to see cultural differences, begins to feel uncomfortable, and becomes tired, both physically and mentally.
Surface Adjustment: they begin to understand the new culture and feel more comfortable.
Hidden Problems: although outwardly they seem to be fitting in, they begin to question certain aspects of the culture. They are homesick and possibly have conflicts with family and friends. They might feel dissatisfied and think things would be better “if only things were done the way they are done at home,” or “if only my family were here.”
Fitting in: they accept the host culture and feel comfortable with the way of living. They might feel like a native of the host country.
Going home: they begin to have mixed feelings about going home.
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Working through culture shock
With your encouragement, support, and understanding, the following suggestions may ease any culture shock your au pair might encounter during the program year:
Encourage your au pair to meet with other au pairs in your area. Talking to other au pairs can help normalize the cultural differences and necessary adjustments.
Keep the lines of communication open. Discuss concerns as they arise to avoid issues escalating.
Allow for “downtime” or recharging throughout the year. Quiet time to process and adjust to all the cultural differences is important for your au pair.
Show genuine interest in your au pair’s culture. Ask questions about their home country, family, and culture, and encourage them to prepare a favorite native meal for your family.
Help your au pair find ways of preserving their cultural identity. Keep your au pair’s favorite foods from home on hand, encourage them to stay connected with family and friends at home, or celebrate their holidays with them.
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