It’s a question that many families ask, and with good reason. With the trend towards downsizing and the high cost of living in urban areas like New York City, Boston, San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington D.C., the concern is understandable.

The U.S. Department of State, which regulates the au pair program, only requires that an au pair has their own private bedroom. There are no specific rules about the overall size of the home.

Making it work in a small space

Despite this, when hosting an au pair, many parents worry about maintaining their privacy or ensuring the au pair has adequate space. Krista Rietberg, a Local Childcare Consultant (LCC) for Cultural Care Au Pair in Seattle, lived in a 1,400-square-foot home with four bedrooms and one bathroom while she was hosting.

She shares, “Our daughters had a shared room on the main floor with the au pair’s bedroom. My son and I had separate rooms upstairs. We all shared one bathroom and never had any issues in six years.”

The Rietbergs also managed with one car shared between their family and the au pairs.

“In my experience, once my au pairs made friends and started taking classes there was a good balance between time with the family and time outside the house," Krista adds. "We signed up with Cultural Care Au Pair knowing we wanted our au pairs to be a part of our lives, so we always encouraged them to hang with us if they wanted. We also implemented a closed door policy—if the au pair’s door was closed the kids had to leave her alone so she could have her own private time.”

Small home, big benefits

Cultural Care host mom Jenn Guarracino has experienced hosting au pairs in both small and large homes. She says that living in her 1,250-square-foot condo in Boston is when she actually had the most privacy. "Due to the location of our au pair’s bedroom, her social habits, and our city environment, we saw less of Caty than we have of our more recent au pairs."

"Our au pairs have their own laptop and television in their rooms so they can stay connected with friends and family and watch what they want on their own. While all of our au pairs are always more than welcome to join us for dinner or to hang out afterwards with the family, they often have plans with friends or are just tired from a long day with our girls and want to retire to their rooms. Before our au pairs arrive, we are insistent that during 'off hours' they feel comfortable doing whatever they would like to do. We don’t take offense if our au pairs don’t want to hang out with us and this has worked out well."

Setting clear expectations

Bob Mitchell, Director of Placement at Cultural Care Au Pair, says that families should be upfront about their personal needs and expectations during interviews with au pairs to make sure whoever they choose is a good match.

Says Bob, "Whether host parents want their au pair to become an integral part of the family or prefer more private time with each other and their children, this should be clearly discussed during the phone interviews. Families seeking more privacy will find that a more independent, social au pair is likely a better fit than one who is more of a homebody.”

And for the au pairs, it's about the family, not the house. Adds Krista Rietberg, “All au pairs want is to feel like a member of the family. My house is small and crazy and my au pairs have loved it.”

Marina Galhardi, a Cultural Care au pair from Brazil who lived with a family of five in San Francisco, agrees. She shares, “We were six people living in a three-bedroom house with just one bathroom. It worked out really well—I stayed there for two years!”

German au pair Sophia Kröger, who just returned home after a successful year in Boston, shares a similar sentiment. “I lived in a small apartment with three bedrooms. We had three children, the host parents, and me, and it worked out perfectly. I had my own room for personal time, but I loved my host family so much that I spent my free time with them whenever I could. The size of the house really doesn’t matter if you have a good connection with your host family.”

Plus, the proximity to a vibrant community will outweigh concerns about apartment size any day. Just take it from Celise Buchmann, a Brazilian au pair currently in her second year with a new host family in New York City. Says Celise, “I’m living in Brooklyn, NY. Do you think I care about the apartment size?!”